Dear Rose, How your post strikes a chord - probably in everyone who reads it. Who doesn't know the heart-sinking feeling of getting home, maybe after a long day's stressful, worrisome work, to a dark or an empty house. You look in the trash and there is one single beer bottle which tells you that any peace of mind or plans you may have had for the next twenty four - forty eight hours is kaput. I just went through a one week period with my husband where I barely spoke to him and was seriously, for the very first time, planning the how-to of the separation. We had some communication and he appeared to want to change and be fearful of his life the way it was and then I found out that he was drinking beers at a friends house at 3:30 Pm yesterday afternoon. Bummed me out. But not too much. I did not allow it to affect my life - this time. You've probably read all the classic literature on this stuff. But if you haven't - please get hold of "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. She sets out more clearly than most how we are all such reactionaries to the crises and chaos of our A/s lives. I have come to realize that my life does not rise and fall on whether he is drinking or not. His life is on a separate trajectory which is not mine. Let's face it - we all die alone with our regrets and our triumphs. I can continue loving him but not be with him. I can be very sad for him but be happy for myself. The first step of detachment, loving detachment, is so liberating. You let go and relinquish any attempt to control the monster. I know at this time you should be thinking only of yourself. But think of your kids. You know they know that dad is a drunk. When they grow up they can either look back on their childhood as one of misery and constant drama and power struggles between their parents. Of recriminations and fights and anger. Or they can look back and remember their dad as a drunk but also remember that their mom had so much self-esteem and power in her own life that she refused to let it get her down and made her own decisions wisely and independently. Remember that your kids could also carry a genetic predisposition to alcoholism. They need you as a role model to understand the disease and resist it before it has a chance to get its hooks into them. I know you want this for them and I believe based on the posts I have read from you that you can deliver. Your strength shines through. You are just weary and beaten down - right now. The decision to part from someone who has been a part of your life to such a degree is devastating. But remember, the only thing that is the end of the world is the end of the world. Everything else can be managed and finessed and dealt with in some fashion. Love, Chi.