Hi Irish Rose, I hope you don't mind me putting my 2 cents in too- and I also am not an expert on relationships/men!! (Lord knows I've dated some real dogs!!) I would wholeheartedly agree with Dorrie about not marrying him. I know that sounds just horrible, like you don't care enough for him to stick it out with his problem(s), and you want to commit yourself to him the rest of your life-- but as the wife of an A for the past 10 years, with 1 biological child and 1 stepchild, I can tell that you won't get your needs fulfilled by an A, and it will only get worse with kids because they have their own needs and are so time and energy consuming. Then you will worry about the effect all of this is having on the kids- are you strong enough to shoulder ALL the responsibilies of raising them properly so they can enjoy their childhoods?? (again, you won't get much help from an A) Will they resent you later for staying with their father?? You will find yourself run emotionally/physically ragged until you think you're losing your mind, because he can't/doesn't want to try/doesn't give a crap about trying to fulfill YOUR needs and wishes. It's like running a race car at full speed until it runs out of gas and crashes, and you desparately want to get it all fixed up and like new again, but no one will give you the gas for the tank. I know this sounds dramatic, and when I married my H he had been sober for over a year, and I thought he was THE one-- in touch with his feelings, honest etc- but he had warned me that a)I wouldn't want to be around him if he drank again (he was SO right about that!) and b)he may relapse at some point, then again he may not, he could only live one day at a time etc etc. I would at the very least NOT rush into a marital decision- he is not in a healthy frame of mind at this point, and you need to consider yourself and your health. My prayers are with you, MK