Bonnie,
When guilt motivates how we feel it is not good. I have been there...still am sometimes but I try not to be.
My husband has done some really stupid things while drunk. Deep frying and falling asleep...filled the house with smoke and he (unconscious) rolled to the floor where the air was clearer. When I got home I screamed at him, he woke and tossed the burning oil in the sink and caught the curtains on fire!
I don't know what to say about those things...after several instances like that I told him I was done and would leave if I couldn't leave the house without being afraid. Nothing like that has happened since...but that does not mean it would be the same with your mom.
No answers here, I know, what your father chooses to endure is up to him.
Hugs,
JT