whatnow2

After experiencing continuing verbal abuse and an extremely violent outburst from AH(against material items, not myself), living with an AH that is agitated, sleeps all day, comes home late, lies...and continues to drink after my repeated begging to stop, I was granted an Order of Protection on Saturday. All I need to do is tell the police he is at home and they will remove him.

I was afraid to tell him I got it, so I kept asking him to make other living arrangements, because this wasn't working out. I told him about some options for outpatient treatment covered by our insurance. I was afraid of how angry he'd get or that he would possibly lose it and do something to himself. He said he didn't want to talk about it and he'd leave when he wanted to. When he left the house (I think he went to his work) I called his cell and told him what I did and that he couldn't come back without a police escort.

I kept telling him that I wanted things to work, but I couldn't live like this. He kept telling me how much he missed me and loved me, and then he said "I will promise you now that I will focus on recovery and health both physically and in our relationship(s) at home. I can't be bribed into sobriety." I told him "I just don't see why anything would change "just like that", especially without having gotten some outside assistance. I would be more optimistic if I saw change happening." and then I gave him more suggestions on what he could do now, but did not have coming home as an option.

So today he tells me, "I said that it will be VERY difficult to resist the urge to blame you for all of this. It was also your choice to solve every problem by either calling the police, lawyers or kicking someone out. It was your choice to put your selfish needs above everything else when this time bomb started ticking. It was your choice to withhold love, communication, understanding, compassion and affection while I begged you not to."

So of course everything is my fault and here I am still trying to change him. I guess in hindsight, I should have just had the police remove him and not say anything to him. He already knows what the issues are. Even though I won't live with him right now, I still feel bad for him and I am having a very hard time trying not to control the situation.

He still hasn't been served yet. It will probably be done at his work. I don't know how he'll react when he actually gets it. The order is good for 3 weeks, but does not include any provisions for support. I will have to contact him for that. After 3 weeks we will have a court date where I can have the order extended and I believe the court may require drug/alcohol counseling and an anger management course.

I just don't know what to do or say anymore.