Hi guys, thanks for the replies and sorry in taking so long to respond. Believe it or not anxiety has kept me from coming online. Really rough couple weeks with hubby. Hasn't left me yet but we are having a hard time spending time together at all. Insta tension and stress. I've been working long hours again and have to work Saturday and next Saturday as well. Not sure what to say, I am so nervous with myself, no self confidence at all. Not that anyone I know here would know that. I put up a good front. I really blew it that last big binge with family, made a total idiot out of myself. Still not over the guilt/humiliation of it. Family did not take it well and has basically cut off contact. Not that it makes a difference anyway, we never did connect and they trigger me even when I am not drinking anyway. It's a beautiful day out so out I go to the garden to do what I can before dark. Bought 5 emerald cedars to plant today. Finally starting my landscaping and finished drywalling and priming my pantry. Keep busy that's all I can think to do. I know it's all over the place, like my mind Ha...but thats my update for now. Thanks for listening and being here.