Welcome, BonBon to our community of hope. I am very new to recovery myself, only one month! By coming to this online forum and attending Al-anon meetings my life has improved. My husband has been drinking since I met him 20 years ago. I denied what was happening for many years. Then for many years I got very angry, bitter, and resentful. Three years ago I tried something simple: I started weight training at the gym where I work. I felt a sense of accomplishment from lifting the weights and getting stronger. I felt like I had something that was only mine. My special commitment. And I stuck to it. I think this helped me get to where I am today. You asked "how long will you need to be in this relationship when it is not working and is so crazy?" I think you are already begining to move forward by reaching out. Just keep doing it. Keep coming to this forum and also attend Al-anon or Nar-anon meetings. Just by keeping a commitment to yourself, you will begin to heal.
I have so far to go yet. But for today I feel ok, centered, and have hope for the future. You can too. You will make it. Take good care and come back!