I need some help
Ok, I have been reading these posts, I am having a hard time dealing with everything. My a/addict has been with me for 7 years, we have a daughter together. We about a month ago split for the 3rd time, he wasnt working, and of coarse blamed me for not working because I wouldnt let him drive our only car, which is mine, and which he wrecked, its been a long road of trying to trust him again.
So, to make a long story short, he left a month ago, I was doing well, then became angry he wasnt seeing our little girl, or even calling to check on her. Well we started seeing each other again, and he finally moved his stuff back over, (mind you while this is happeneing im feeling sick about it, that its insane hes back and I am trying to trust him with my car again.) So out of the blue, He leaves from his mothers house, and I havent heard or seen him since, we talked about so much, him finding a job, getting back on track, I think hes been involved with selling drugs and I beleive hes been going down some really scary roads.
But the point in all this is, Where does this madness and insanity end for me? When can I let go? I love him and beleive in him, but weve been through sooo much, I know I need help, I want all of the worry to end, I wish I could just feel content with my life and being a good mother to my daughter, I want this so bad, I have a very good job, hes had probobaly 10 different jobs over the years, while I have stayed with this one and worked my way up, I think if people really knew the things I've gone through they would question my sanity, why do I love this person so much??? And can this sick addiction to him that i have, does it ever end? And if it does, I wish I knew the steps to get there. I also wish I could stop feeling guilty, like I should feel guilty about not letting him use my car, or that I feel guilty I pushed him away.
I know I have thrown alot out here, but I hope you all if you have the time will post some reply's, It is the most comforting feeling to know someone else has been where I have, and has seen the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you all very much.