Hi Blitzi-girl,
Welcome to the recovery forum!
Grief is natural when any kind of loss occurs. It is unrealistic of your family/friends to suggest that you not experience this emotion... it's there. Showing it and working through it are healthy.
For awhile I dated a man who was divorced. He once remarked that he was grateful that he could talk about his ex-wife to me, and understand that he still loved her. I told him that I'd never stopped loving anyone in my life, that I didn't know how and wouldn't want to. How can anyone criticize you for caring about another human being? You have done the sensible things for you and your children, and it speaks well of your heart that you have not allowed the unpleasantness to turn it to stone.
You need to express your grief. If closed minds cause closed ears in your circle, we'll always be here for you.
Keep posting!
Smoke