We can find strength in the most amazing places, can't we? Who would have ever thought that we would all be "linked" one day through computers? I hope you continue to post and read here, Seacup. I learned so many lessons so fast when I first found this site. I immediately stopped trying to "help" my unhappy son with money. This has been the best teacher for a parent of an addicted child. I had gone through an addictive relationship with a spouse, but hadn't fully accepted that my son was an addict until I saw him in everyone else's children on this forum. And because I had already known some truths about addiction and letting the addict own their own pain and consequences, I jumped to attention and began following the words of wisdom of others on here with more experience. There is no such thing in addiction as "Oh, that's not my child". The truth is, that's all our children. It reads like a codie manual here, for parents of addicted children. Do this; don't do that; all the stories are like one in the end.
I hope you find the strength and support here to do what is best for you, which in turn, could be what is also best for your son. It doesn't seem like it's true, that detaching is the right move, and it's terribly hard to watch them in pain due to their own mistakes. But I believe in the long run, it is a "gift" you can give them, to find their way on their own, when they are ready, which is when it will truly "take" and they will choose sobriety over drugs.