Dear tired and confused
That is what A's do.. manipulate you, make you think YOU'RE crazy and controlling when it is really THEIR problem.. I was EXACTLY like you when I found this site and discovered there were so many ppl out there going thru exactly what I was going thru.. you are NOT crazy.
You fell in love with and married an addict. You love the sober beautiful person they are and hate the crazy uncontrollable person they become when they drink. You try to stop them drinking because you want that beautiful wonderful person back. You try so hard you think you're going insane. Believe me you are not. You simply need to realise that NO-ONE causes an A to drink. It is their disease. You are not at fault. It is not because you didn't try hard enough to help them or to stop them. No one can make them stop except themselves. Focus on letting go and taking care of yourself.
Hope this help. Keep posting. We have all been there/are going thru what you are.
Take care of you!
Caitlyn