As many have said - there is nothing easy about this path.
My latest mottos have been - "If my Big Girl Panties get any bigger, They will need their own Time Zone" and "Talking/reasoning with an addict in the active part of their disease is like talking to a Pine tree. If you can convince the Pine Tree to do what you want it to do, then you maybe could convince an addict to something you want them to do."
It is ok to do things that help you to feel safe and serene - In doing so, you are also giving your son the most wonderful gift you can - The dignity to find his own path.
As many recovery A's will tell you, once they did find sobriety they had a lot of guilt and remorse about the way they treated their loved ones. I have heard many share that they were so grateful when their parents, spouses, children, etc. stopped letting them "get away with stuff and forced them to deal with their own cr#p" because that was so much less they had to feel remorseful about.
Just e, s, & h that I have heard during my time of recovery,
Wishing you Serenity, Joy and safety,
Rita