Here I am again, not in run away mode but am back in my cubby. This morning, spouse told me he was leaving me, cause of me. That he hates me his whole family and all his friends hate me and that he can't do nothing cause of me. His leaving means leaving me out in the country stranded and without transportation to work stores and such. Course this has got the panick attacks going big time. Fighting off heart palps and blackouts at work all day. Very tense for me here. Walking on eggshells. Hubby hiding from me but thats normal now. I am just staying in my spare room here. I am terrible at being alone yet to scared to reach out. No alcohol this weekend so thats good.
Been thinking what to do if he follows through with his threat that would allow me to keep my job and my home. Thought about trying a dating service, but not a good idea if I am not in tune with myself. Thought about advertising to share the house for a reasonable rent with transportation to town. That might work. But this is all presumption. and an only if he does leave. Still I have to continue on right. Get up, eat, continue to care for my home and myself, make it to work every day and try to save a nest egg for emergency if needed. At least I am making good hours and a good wage now.