You GO mom! Too many people would cave by now. He can earn some of the broken trust back (trust in losing your confidence in his responsibility.)
I dated a guy once. He would do stupid, jerkish things. Then, he would tell me, "I'm such a jerk."
I finally said, "Ya know, you telling me what a jerk you are doesn't fix the problem: THAT YOU ARE BEING A JERK. Fix it, or get lost."
He got lost.
But, to make my point, it's one thing to admit your wrongdoing. It's another to say "yeah yeah, I made a mistake, I won't do it again, but it's not a big deal."
If he got rid of the "it's not a big deal" part, then he'd be onto something. Thing is, as a mother of one, I wouldn't give a rat's backside if "everyone else is doing it," and THEY think "it's no big deal."
It's a big deal to me when I think of my teenager behind the wheel, acting this way. I don't want a call at 2am from the police telling me my child has been in a serious accident or . . . worse . . .
He needs to understand the gravity of what he's doing and the price he (and his friends/family) could pay. His friends/peers may regard it as no big deal. He's not HIS FRIENDS. He's someone's SON.
Honestly, this might be a time to show some vulnerability (not weakness.) Let him know what it meant to you to hold him when he was a baby, to stare over his crib at night, asking God, "please let anything bad that was meant to happen for him happen to ME." Tell him how you stared at him when you rocked him to sleep and wanted him to always be safe, that you'd give your life for his without even thinking.
I never got that from my parents and I did dangerous, terrible things. I didn't get it until I had a child of my own. I never want my child to "get it" that late in life. I want her to know what it means to love and that life is so fragile. I pass a homemade "shrine" on a street corner every day. It's a spot where a girl was hit by a high school kid who was speeding (and drunk.) There are flowers and pictures and candles and stuffed animals. That's not a big deal?
Sorry to get off track there a little, but I am totally with you, 100%. He made a promise, a "contract" about the car. He broke that deal. If you give in now, he'll learn that contracts and "deals" aren't worth a darn thing. No "please please another chance." It's a deal breaker. 18 will come soon enough and he can have his car. Until then, I'd consider letting him drive mine, but only after he rebuilt that confidence that's been lost. (Again, this is just what I'd do.)
:ghug3