I have a son who recently turned 19 who, up until last summer, lived with his Dad for many years due to my drinking and using.
I was over joyed when he moved back in with me, naturally. But I sure see what a manipulative, NORMAL, teenager he is.
I can only set so many boundaries with him since he is 19 but when I do, I've learned that I have got to stick to what I said were the consequences.
When I was a teenager, I tested and pushed my Mom so much that she deserves a medal for putting up with me. I would do something that I wasn't supposed to do and she would ground me. I knew that if I drove her absolutely crazy, I'd be "ungrounded" very quickly. It worked every time. This behavior helped get me to where I am today. An alcoholic and addict. Thank goodness I'm in Recovery but I was four months out of highschool when I first went into detox. I'm in no way blaming my Mom for any of this, please don't think that. My Parents divorced when I was in grade school and Mom had to work long hours to provide for us. She did her best but I was a selfish, wild child.
My Son is obsessed with fast cars. Luckily, he's still driving the one my Mom gave him when she quit driving. He calls it a Grandma car. I'm so happy. I love the fact that he's behind the wheel of a Corsica. He complains that his "ride is a hoopty" I'm happy that he's alive. He has a few friends who have had two or three cars since they got their license and have totaled each one of them. For Brandon, he was in one of these cars when the driver took a corner too fast and they spun out into a tree. Thank God no one was hurt. But Brandon suddenly became a responsible driver. He told me one day that he actually saw his life flash before his eyes as it took, what seemed to him to be forever from the time the car went out of control until it hit the tree.
About once a month it seems that a story breaks on the news of yet more teenagers being killed in car accidents. I would much rather have Brandon mad at me for awhile than to bury him.
Hang tough Mom.
His life is worth it.