Thanks Cats for starting this and to all who have contributed so far. I must admit that the idea of being powerless over anything frightens me. It's hard to explain, but I guess I will just say that all my life I have prided myself on my ability to be in control.....in control of me, my emotions, my life. It started with my parents divorce when I was 11. My mom told me I had to be mature and responsible to help my little brother through it. I always took care of people; I always had 'control' of my own feelings. Even if I felt like crying, I'd put on a happy face, for others.
My son's father was abusive. I couldn't control his temper, but I could control the fact that no one found out about it. When my son got old enough to start noticing something was wrong, I left. I packed my bags on my birthday while he was at work and never looked back.
When there is arguing in my family or even at work, I try to be the "fix it" person and make everyone happy.
Then I met my husband, who I thought might take care of me for a change. And he did, til he started the relapsing. I have been working my butt off for so long to try to control his actions, his addiction, and the consequences of them. I take his bank card, check his phone records, take his keys, etc, etc, etc. And it never stops.
So, I have to say .....I AM TIRED OF TRYING TO BE IN CONTROL!!
I am powerless over his addiction. I am powerless over so many things.
How do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine?
This question really made me think. I have always tried to make him see things my way, to adopt my philosophy about things, hoping it would help him to handle stress better. Why can't he just shrug things off like me? Apparently, I need to better understand that he is his own person, not me.
A friend at work told me this the other day: its not the weight of the load, but how you carry it. I like that idea, but we all carry the 'weight' in our own ways.
Thanks...