Robzoloft -
I don't know what your situation is - but there is help out there. And there are people here who care deeply about you. Even though we don't know you. Because we know what it's like to be addicted and to feel despair.
Despair can be the beginning, if you let it. It was for me. I had to fall on my knees in my misery and despair and admit openly to my family and to my Higher Power that I could no longer keep going. I had to admit I was weak - completely powerless over my addiction - lying at every turn to try to cover it up. I begged God for help. And he helped me.
I went to AA and I found others like me. And I kept going back. And I counted each day as a marvel.
You can do this. Others have done it before you. You can do this.