What is wrong with you?
Same thing as many of us....you're an alcoholic.
Its ok...its not a dirty word.
Im pretty new to recovery....so the only help I can offer you is this:
Get your butt to a meeting, and TELL everyone there what is going on in your head.
Scary? You bet!
Will they shun you....kick you out...hate you....laugh at you?
Not a chance.
They will love you until you can learn to love yourself.
:ghug3