Your not a loser though you may feel that way, your in a fight for your life and sanity. I'm glad you have found a doctor you feel comfortable with but you sound as if you have some untreated symptoms. Make an appointment with you Doc and tell him about your relapse and beg for treatment for your panic/anxiety. You didn't mention what medication your on but there is no reason for you to be suffering to this extent, there are some great medications out there. If your doctor can't do anymore find one who specializes in addiction. Some non addictive ones that will calm you too. Get into therapy for your panic attacks if you aren't already. It will get better keep trying