thanks alera, i think i actually joined the smart recovery site at some point. Can't remember if i went to a meeting or not. Would guess it was last year around the time i joined here.
did ok today just relearning and using avrt. only got blindsided once. Depression has been pretty bad today though. clarity of vision isn't nice when standing in a hole. I'm back to work tomorrow. Just glad i didn't screw this day up.
thanks again