Hi x02034,
I like the saying...Agree to Disagree...with a plan in your back pocket if that doesn't work.....!
I am the alcoholic and have been sober 19 years. My husband and I rarely argue but sometimes do have "strong" discussions and do agree to disagree.
It is hard to be the sober husband...my husband used to be jealous of all the men in AA. He did go to Alanon but got tired of the women complaining all the time.
This was when I sobered up the first time....I stayed sober a year and then went back out...got divorced from him and then 14 years later sobered up for good. The first time was in the 1970's and I also had Major Depression diagnosed at the same time....so couldn't hardly remember to think...everything was all jumbled together in my head.
Our brains can rejuivate but it takes a while. I was told in treatment in 1988 that I couldn't have "going back to college" as my long term goal because with all the years of drinking...I wouldn't be able to study.
I proved them wrong on that. I waited until I had been sober a year and then just worked half time and went to college in the late afternoon...early evening. I got my BA Degree in Psychology and got a good job at the local Mental Health Agency where I sobered up and got treatment for my depression.
My husband and I have five grown children all successful but one who ended up with depression/alcohol problems after he got out of the Navy. He tried to commit suicide and now is a quadraplegic.
So sad....he does get all of his medical and psychiatric care from the VA and spends about six months a year in the VA Hospital for various necessary needs. He had been treated for depression while in the Navy.
I think you are headed on the right track for yourself....your wife can only change herself and you can only change yourself. That is the only way it can work it seems. It is very hard to do though.
I still rely on the Serenity Prayer to help me decide what I can and cannot change and it does help me very much.
kelsh