Welcome to SR. You have found a really great place with lots of ES&H.
Now to the 'nitty gritty.'
She left rehab the last time about 40 days ago, so she is early in "her recovery."
At this point in time, no matter how many times she has been in rehab, you are dealing with someone who's brain is PURE MUSH.
Why are you even trying to engage in any 'meaningful conversation' yet alone get into arguments at this time? You will NOT get logical answers to anything, other than maybe 'what time is it?' and I'm not real sure about that one either, rofl.
I'm sure you have heard about the 3 C's:
You didn't CAUSE it,
You can't CONTROL it, and
You can't CURE it.
They need to be applied now in early recovery also. Actually, I learned, for me that those 3 C's are applicable in all aspects of my life, lol.
I am in recovery, btw, for many many years from both alcohol and drugs and being a codependent. It took me about 6 months into recovery, before I was actually able to read a sentence through to the end and tell you what it said. It took me about 6 months to actually feel like I was able to communicate with some semblance of intelligence.
Wrong?? Nope, not me in those early months, whether I knew what I was talking about or not, I had to be right, lol. Sounds a bit like you have to be 'right' also.
Go to more Alanon meetings, step back, stop trying to engage, look at why it is so important for you to be "right" at this time. Focus on you. Keeps things light, if she chooses to work her recovery, life and these things will improve.
Instead of worrying about whether you
can make myself leave,
Focus on you and where you need to change. After all the only person we can change is ourselves, no one else. Remember please, by focusing on another, we can take the focus off ourselves.
It's rough, I know it is................................and there are many things you will need to look at, many times writing in a journal helps immensely, and WORKING and then LIVING the 12 Steps of Recovery do change us.
It seems that if things point in her direction, then the conversation is over
Of course the conversation will be over. She is filled with IMMENSE guilt right now, much of it real, but some imagined, and anything that even hints at an accusation, will have her 'turning tail.' She will only get through this as she works on her own recovery.
To be quite honest, right now all you have their is a 'guilt ridden' shell, with a mind of mush.
I know you WANT answers, I know you WANT conversation, I know you WANT to hear "I'm sorry." However, over time as she grows and changes in recovery her actions will become a much better AMENDS than a simple "I'm sorry."
I will apologize if you think I have been too harsh, however, I have to tell you having been on both sides of the street, and working with many in recovery over these almost 27 years now, I have to ask you to PLEASE work on you. Keep the peace for now, stop 'pushing', be superficial if need be, say please and thank you. It DOES GET BETTER honest, even if she were to relapse, you will have gained much in your own recovery.
J M H O
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much.
Love and hugs,