and I want to feel the pride and happiness of engineering my own recovery
I couldn't do it, and I'm smarter than anyone I know. I also have enough will power to overcome any obstacle I encounter. Pride ? I've got it in spades. But still, I couldn't do it. I doubt if you can, but wish you the best. Hopefully you won't take the beating I did.
It was only when
I quit fighting, and trying to figure everything out that recovery came to me.