Old 03-19-2008, 09:53 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Morning Glory
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,680
Maybe it would help if we let our secular members have their forum and give them the space to express their opinions within the forum rules. I've seen some really good threads get sabotaged pretty quickly and then everyone backs away again.

AA is not going to be the recovery method of choice for most secular members. Some secular members can make a 12 step program work for them, but it seems the majority can't or would prefer not to.

There have been a few times when a secular member will join the forums with the sole purpose of bashing 12 step programs. There have been just as many times when members of 12 step programs or those who believe in God will jump in on a thread when they would not usually post on this forum.

A member should be able to post on this forum and express honest experience about their frustrations with 12 step recovery without having everyone jump in with opposite opinions. Another member should be able to post their honest opinion about how they work secular recovery using 12 step recovery without everyone jumping in with opposite opinions.

When I first came to SR I had a huge problem with trying to control my son and cure his alcoholism. I had to learn to respect him. By learning to respect him I learned to respect the choices that others make also. It's a universal concept. It's none of my business what anyone else believes. It's not my job to jump in to protect other members of the forum from opinions that I think might hurt them. It might be the very thing that helps them. I remember one time my son was out there in dangerous territory. I asked the members on the anon forums what they thought. They suggested I leave him out there. I posted for opinions on the substance abuse forums and they told me to go get him. I chose to go get him and will never regret that. I'm so glad I had all the opinions so I could make an informed choice. When I got back home safely everyone on the anon forum was happy I made it home ok. There were no judgments or resentments that I didn't do it their way.

Each of us have our own choices, values, experience, and opinions. The recovery methods I use came from posts on these forums made by unique individuals with unique experiences and opinions. I was able to borrow a little bit from a lot of people and put something together that made sense to me. I will not go to an al-anon meeting, but I've borrowed a lot from al-anon that helped me tremendously. I'm really glad others went to those meetings and offered the information here.

When I first got here it is the first time I had ever talked to anyone about my son's alcoholism. I needed to get it all out first before I was ready to take a look at myself and start some recovery. Sometimes we just need to listen first. Sometimes there are real reasons for a member's frustrations. I've been very frustrated for members on this forum and I'm not even secular. Many times I've thought that they don't stand a chance around here. Every time they try to express themselves they meet resistance.

I've seen disrespect on both sides of the fence here, but this is the secular forum and I think we need to respect that as much as we respect the other forums that are topic specific.
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