fluffyarmpit

I just started this method about 5 days ago, but before i explain my doctors way of getting me off let me give you a little background on my useage.

Almost everyday I would crush up and snort about 160mg of oxy in about a 2-5 hour time period. of course I worked my way up to that tolerance, I remember getting sick after snorting 20mg one time. I took it of course to get high, but towards the end, there wasn't a high, there was just the feeling of being a normal person. I tried to quit cold turkey about a month ago, it lasted about 5 days, God it was horrible, i remember the first day without it I had to let my cousin know i wasn't coming in to work because if the slightest thing had gone wrong, hell if he breathed too heavily for my liking I would've snapped. My bones wanted to jump out of my body, I was sweating so heavily, I couldn't get comfortable to sleep. So I started to use again and like I said about 160mg was my normal for about a 4 hour time period, sometimes I would go higher maybe 200mg. I also got a hold of dilaudid but those are like the difference between an alcoholic drinking water, and taking a shot.

The day I decided to get off was this. Wednesday I was driving to my dealers house which was about a half hour away, I was totally sober nothing in me whatsoever. A little kid on a razor scooter in a residential neighborhood came jamming down his driveway, which i saw and recognized, he just kept coming and I'm thinking to myself this kids gonna stop, theres like 15ft from where my car is on the street and the end of his driveway. He didn't, I slammed on my brakes as hard and as fast as i could and swerved trying to miss him but I didn't, he hit the passenger side of my car. a little 8 year old boy. I immediatley stopped and called 911. Thank god the kid popped up, a neighbor carried him across the street and once he saw all the cops and ambulance coming the boy started crying. I talked to the cops, lied about why i was there, they had an expert come out and wrote in the report it was not my fault the little boy was at fault. It's so cliche to say but I swear it all happened in slow motion. Driving to buy drugs and I almost killed a kid, another 6 inches towards the drivers side of my car and me going just a little faster, I run him over and he's dead.

So the next day or that evening I forget now, but I am perscribed legally 10mg valium because I have extreme anxiety, and I am perscribed flexeril because I have a bad back and it just helps with my muscle spasms, which pretty much the valium could do, and I am also on zoloft for depression and anxiety. But that night or the next day I took 160mg of oxy 70mg of valium and around 70mg of flexeril. I felt horrible and so guilty, I'm a very emotional person. I blacked out and don't remember a thing from that night, my fiance said I was screaming at her and made her cry so bad, and I was calling people on my phone trying to talk to them and they couldn't understand a word I was saying. My fiance thought I was going to die so she called my brother and my dad. Thank god I made it through the night and thank god I have my beautiful fiance. The next day my dad and brother came over for an intervention ( My mom lives about 5 minutes away and I have no relationship with her)... I suffer from a lot of emotional problems, I was crying the whole time they talked to me because I never really think anyone cares about me, except my fiance. I'm 25 and have thought that way for as long as i can remember.

That all happened 3/7 I got high on 3/9 even after almost dying again 160mg up my nose. I stayed up all night, at about 11am i went to my pharmacy to switch to zoloft so i was picking that up along with trying to pick up viagra because the anti depresants mess with my sex drive, the pharmacist told me my insurance would not cover it. So i went upstairs to talk to the nurse and see what was going on with the viagra. I asked to talk in private and she said of course so we went in and asked about the viagra and then just I had made up my mind that day to get off. So i just told her straight up I'm hooked on oxy, she made me and apt with my doctor for that day. I talked to my doctor told him everything that happened, how much I was taking and how I was taking it.

And what I'm wondering is if the method of what he put me on to take me off is good. He is basically weining me off of it. He prescribed me 20mg oxycodones, 3 in the morning, and 3 at night. which I gave to my dad to make sure I would not abuse them, and he set up a regiment to get me down to one pill a day and then no more. I just don't want that anymore, and i would try to be all tough and quit cold turkey, but I tried that, and I'm not that tough, mentally or physically.

Hopefully you got through my long ass story and any input and advice would be much appreciated, I was thinking that if after my regiment is over and I'm weining off, if i get the urge to call my doctor right away and try to get on suboxone or methadone or something, I know that urge is going to be there sometime or another. I just gotta stick with it. Thanks for whoever took there time to read my story.