Rose, your life is not in the toilet and you are not a failure. However, you have made choices and you must own them. You have chosen to stick with a husband who will not pull his share and is a continuing source of aggravation and disappointment. The fact that you have good sex together and feel close is not so surprising becuase you have been together so long. But is it enough to base the rest of your life on? Will he change? And - if he won't will you? There is life after him and you are lovable and capable of finding someone else who will value you and show you are valued. It is tempting to try to encourage you to stick with him till the bitter end. But what if it is really a bitter end? Can you be without him? Have you ever separated from him? Have you ever thought that maybe a break would be just the kick in the ass you and he would need to get your priorities re-organized. I'm not judging your marriage. But all of your posts I've read deal with how unhappy you are and I really don't see why you are prolonging the misery. Ultimately the trajectory of your life and his life may not travel along the same path and that doesn't mean you won't still love him and miss him or vice versa. It means that, as far as we know, you have only one go around and you deserve and should have a shot at happiness. There comes a point at which loyalty be damned. If you cannot get serenity and peace of mind with this man then maybe you should think of getting it without him?