I have watched this particular practice with fascination over the past few years. It has never been a surprise to me that it is somewhat pervasive, after all many who find AA were "residents" of the bars, meat markets and other social venues (myself included) and that culture still seems to exist in many folks minds. They (men and women) found their companionship in an environment that was centered around alcohol, and in fact so is AA. Different approach to that alcohol, but still many of the same players.
I am sure that the problem of 13th stepping is more male at female, but there are in many instances just as many "helpful" ladies as well. I was astounded after a couple of months how many friendly women with a few years offered me their help. Never aggressive, but determined. If you are male, single and have a home and a job, with a “respectable” auto, the "grapevine" (and I don't mean the AA magazine, seems to let it be known that "we have a new eligible man.”
I was flattered and in fact went out with a few. I can now say that after taking a few laps in the “pool,” I decided that I was going to HAVE to sleep with one alcoholic the rest of my life IE. Myself, but I would be better off keeping it to just this alcoholic. It is as has been said previously, confusing and lonely for the newcomer, be they male or female, and any attention is welcome. My judgement about what would work and what wouldn't was non-existant in those first few months.
After adhering to my better judgment these last few years I am happy to say that I have a plethora of wonderful women friends in AA, and they are coffee friends and meeting after the meeting friends, but for me at any rate my social life is different than my AA life in the romantic sense at least. I toss this in simply to relate the fact that there are indeed women "helpers" in AA. I would hesitate to call them predators, but there does sometimes seem to be a rather “healthy” (not in the mental sense) "competition” by some women, for those “eligible" males, as well as the more aggressive male to female problem.
I have long sense learned that as a male member of the fellowship if I see what I "think" is unhealthy attention by a man or men for the affection of a new lady I have many times simply taken the "hunter" to coffee and "suggested" that it is already a given that “WE AS MEN DON"T HAVE A CLUE HOW WOMEN THINK IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD” (I have given away enough houses to prove I don't) SO WE AS MALE ALCOHOLICS SHOULD LEAVE THE "WELCOMING" TO THE ALCOHOLIC LADIES IN THE GROUP. In most cases this proves to be enough, particularly when reinforced by my taking the seat next to the offender during meetings when both the man in question and new woman are present.
All this being said, WE REALLY CAN ONLY SUGGEST AS LONG AS NO ACTUAL STALKING TAKES PLACE. After all some are sicker than others.
Thanks for an interesting thread on a Friday afternoon.
Jon