Sexual predators (or predators of any type) in AA.
Rather than highjack another thread I am starting a new one as I find this worth discussing and would love to hear others opinion, thoughts, and experiences on it.
Sexual predators (or predators of any type) in AA.
After 7 years of being in AA I have run across my share of these types of people. Are they the majority in AA----in my experience that answer is NO.
THE PROBLEM: Sexual and other predators in AA.
MY EXPERIENCE: When I first started AA and was considerably more vulnerable and desperate for help than I am now it seemed as though I noticed these people more. Maybe it was because of what I was giving off. I have read somewhere (not that reading it makes is gospel) that predators look for people who are vulnerable, they stay away from people that appear strong because they are harder to take advantage of. The body language can often times say more than words about someone's vulnerability. Unfortunately, many newcomers both men and women arrive in AA vulnerable, beat up, and tired. This makes them viable targets for the predators.
Here is how I dealt with it in early sobriety. My desperation was finding a way to stop the insanity of my alcoholism. Finding a new love interest definately was not even on my list as my past experiences had proved to me that my picker was broken in that regard. When I would be approached by one I was polite the first two times I was approached (trying not to be rude) but the third time one would approach me the answer that always seemed to get rid of them was "I am not looking for a third ex husband. I have no interest in dating anyone. It is time to stop asking." I have never had anyone come back and bother me after that. Over the years I have grown and lost some of that vulnerability and no longer have predators hit on me very often.
THOUGHTS ON WHY THERE IS A PROBLEM: Predators are everywhere. They are in our AA meetings, our schools, our churches (yes, personal experience taught me this one at an early age), our work places, our jails, our grocery stores, etc.... Sometimes they are even in our own homes. AA in that respect is no different. People don't come into AA because they are healthy, sane, and happy individuals. I can look at myself and know that to be true. We also have the court systems dumping people into AA (although sometimes this has saved people's lives by introducing them to AA). Not everyone who comes in through the court system or treatment system is there with their primary purpose to get and stay sober. I have to keep in mind that some people that come into AA already sick are sick enough not to do the work to get healthier and use it as their personal hunting ground.
A SOLUTION: Fortunately, people in the individual groups do notice this and if they are like my home group the issue gets addressed so we can protect the newcomer. In my home group a predator will be talked to by the men of the group (assuming it is a man) and the potential victim is counseled by the women of the group in general (without naming names) about the fact that just as in the outside world some are sicker than others and until they get their feet on the ground in the program it is suggested that they stick with the women in the group to stay safe. IMHO each group has the responsibility to the newcomer to try and help them find a solution. Sometimes that solution includes trying to keep them safe from predators while they find sobriety.
YOUR THOUGHTS?