Let go and let God. Once we stop focus on the addict and what he has done or why he has done it, we are more able to focus on ourselves and our kids. There is no rhyme or reason to what an addict does. And you will kill yourself trying to figure out why. I always try to focus on the living - me and my son. His father can still bring me down but it is only a temporary state. I am strong. I will bounce back. My son seems to be even more resilient than I am. Children are amazing.
His dad is out on bail. I tracked him down at the crack house and brought him to my house. Andrew was so excited to see him. But then he became very disappointed - wondering why he couldn't wake daddy up. Daddy slept on our couch for 15 hours while Andrew jumped all over him. His father was sick - babbling, drooling, it freaked me out. I thought he was dying. He didn't. After a while, Andrew just forgot he was there. Once in a while he would poke him. The next morning, I woke him up and took him to the passport office with me. We got the paperwork taken care of. Then I dropped him back at the crackhouse that I picked him up at. It was devestating for me. But I knew I would survive and I did. I was even more surprised at my 2 year olds reaction. I thought he would be begging to see his dad again but he hasn't even asked for him. I think he was relieved to see his father - to know that he still has one. But the visit wasn't all that great. So now that he's gone, he doesn't miss him.
I'll say a prayer - that you are able to put your childrens father in God's hands, and focus on the people who need you. What happens to your ex doesn't need to effect you. It shouldn't. Sure there may be sometimes when he does something to you and the kids that causes angst (like not filling out paperwork or something) but those times are fleeting. Your life will go on. His life will go on. Your childrens life will go on. It's all about acceptance and attitude.