I am having a really hard time tonight; everything is just hitting me; I guess I was sort of in shock yesterday or something. I am so incredibly angry at exah for all the lies he told about me and especially for trying to destroy our son like he did yesterday, and for fighting so hard to keep from taking care of his children.
I don’t like the word ‘hate’, but if I were to be honest, hate is what I am feeling right now. Hate and disgust. I keep having this conversation with him in my head (well, he doesn’t get to say anything…)
and just ripping him to shreds. I don’t want to feel like this.
My rational self knows he is just very, very sick but right now I am finding it impossible to care about that or to have any compassion for him at all. I know that what I am feeling is probably normal, but I want it to go away.
I know exah is sick, but how on earth can a father be so selfish and cruel? I will be the first to admit I made a lot of mistakes, too, but I really did try for a very long time to make it work. We were married for so long and I had three children with him-I just can’t believe how intent he was on making me the cause of all his problems. Even with everything we have been through, I never in a million years would have thought that he would so completely abandon his children or be so intent on destroying me.
Just needed to get it out there; maybe I can sleep now. Thanks for listening!