Welcome to SR. You have found a GREAT place, with folks just like you, who have either been where you are now or are at where you are now.
.like i'm walking on eggshells trying not to rock the boat and send him back into the bottom of a bottle..
WHOA Back the truck up here.
You CANNOT send him back to the bottle. No matter what he says, it is HIS CHOICE.
You didn't CAUSE it,
You can't CONTROL it, and
You can't CURE it.
Not YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
Please, please find some Alanon meetings and GO. The folks in Alanon will understand, just as we do here. Going to Alanon locally will give you some 'local' contacts that you will be able to contact at any time, to talk, rant, rave, go for coffee, whatever.
This is NOT your fault!!!!
We don't stop loving our Alkies/Addicts. But we do learn to step back and watch THEIR ACTIONS. By watching the ACTIONS and not listening to the words (Quacking) we can slowly learn to trust again. Alanon helped me greatly with this concept. Also learned how to STOP watching over him and give that job to his Higher Power.
Please keep posting, ranting, raving, crying, laughing etc and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much!!!!
Love and hugs,