do you know about al-anon? have you attended any al-anon meetings?
you are not alone.
this is a terrible disease. it takes a lot of courage, support and understanding to cope with it. for me, real recovery has occurred in working the steps.
everything you described -- every feeling of guilt, etc. -- sounds totally normal to me. normal, that is, in dealing with alcoholism in a family or friend.
it sounds like you have already had much growth. you sound very willing. i didn't believe anything could possibly help me or change my life when i crawled into al-anon. another person's alcoholism had completely shattered my life. al-anon has literally saved my life and now it is helping me to really live.
keep reaching out.