I feel everything in your post.
So many times I have been there looking at my disgusting self thinking how pitiful I am but still wont take my ass home and clean up or shake it off.
Dirty body, clothes, Looking crazy, no sleep, havent eaten, Wont even use the restroom,or get a drink of water, Stinking and still running like a maniac.
I have lost many jobs being too busy getting high to even call in. Too high to make a quick call.
Addiction is evil.
But it is possible to stop.
I only have a little over 2 months clean from a 13 year addiction.
But let me tell you.
I can see it in my face, my skin, my whole appearance is so different in that little time.
I feel better. No more feeling drained. No more feeling useless and hopeless.
Everything Anvil said is right on the money.
You never have to do that again. And it is very hard but it is worth it.