Dogged, you got it. They have to want to change for them... nothing we can do will change them. (Only help we can give is not to enable.) If you don't want a front seat to the chaos anymore, you don't have to. It's your life. Do what you need to do for your sanity and happiness.
Welcome, wooforever. ACTIONS, not words. (This is my favorite saying I repeated to myself many times while RAH was in prison.) By his actions, you will be able to tell. Words are empty.