Designer,
I think once the move is over you'll feel much better. I also think your new position at work will force you to focus on something other than you xabf.
I've been broken up with my xabf for a couple of months, but with contact until a couple of weeks ago. I have completely thrown myself into learning as much about the disease as I can (for my own understanding, not to help him) and I've also been trying to focus on what is right for me and what I want. Part of me is terrified, the other part is excited for what may be ahead. We had our whole wedding planned out and I could see it crystal clear in my head until recently when I accepted the fact that my path had to be different for my own sanity. With him, I had very little hope for a happy life. Without him, I have lots of hope that things will get better and maybe I'll even find a relationship with someone who will treats me with respect and kindness. I think we all deserve that. I still have to remind myself of that each day, but it's getting better.
When I got the final email of promises a few weeks ago, I literally got sick reading it. There was denial in 10 different directions. I tried hard to wrap my brain around the same question as you..."why alcohol and not me?" I now realize it doesn't matter. He made the choice and he has to live with it if it's a poor one. I, however, get to chart a new path that is free of daily chaos, drama, and anxiety.
I still have bad days and still cry here and there, but it's not the same soul crushing depression it was when it first happened. :ghug