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Old 02-20-2008, 05:44 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
warrens
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Originally Posted by jimhere View Post
Maybe I'll ask a question. Warren did you ever drink when you didn't want to? When you had every reason not to? You don't need to answer this question to me or to anyone else on a public forum. Just be honest with yourself and examine your own experience.

The people that have really helped my recovery asked me questions when I had a question. They helped me find the answer within myself rather than telling me what my answer should be. It is called dignity.
Jim
Boy, I didn't mean to launch a disagreement. I'm in a moral dilemma that is of significance to me. Perhaps it's "paralysis by analysis." I've hurt a lot of people and I'm carrying more than a knapsack full of guilt.

Jimhere, I'm not sure how to answer that question. I don't think I ever drank when I didn't want to. I enjoyed my beer! But I sure did drink when I shouldn't have. Both in a legal and practical sense. Inappropriate amounts at inappropriate times.

At none of these times would it have caused me grave physical discomfort to abstain. But I drank anyway. Selfish and stupid. Thus, my moral dilemma. Whose hand was on the tiller? Does beer kill people or do we kill ourselves.

Some have said "Warren, cut the crap, dump your guilt, and reach into your heart for a change." Oh, but if I could. Maybe in time, but right now I am trying to figure out my approach to the first step and I'm stuck on admitting that I am powerless. A huge part of me just wants to yell "Yes, yes, let's get this bus rolling!" And then there is my moral center saying "Warren, you know you had a choice."

I love money, but if you left a bulging wallet in a restaurant, you'd get it back from me intact. I love sex but I've never taken it when it wasn't reciprocal. Even the thought of paying for it makes me shake my head. Ugh.

So, why does my moral center fail me when it comes to beer? Perhaps I've just answered my question, in part. There must be something different when a man guided by morality fails so miserably. Now that I am forced to think of it, after that first beer I AM powerless. It is then that I drink "when I don't really want to." Hmmm. And that is the difference between me and them (normal). I am not powerless to drink, I am powerless when I do drink!

Anyone else have Aha! moments while writing on this site? Perhaps a topic in itself...

I still appreciate your feedback, but y'all being there has helped me enormously. The elk in my field just don't understand what I'm telling them. So I don't have much of an audience. Thank you!

warrens
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