dogged

i know its only been a week or more since i broke it off with my excbf, but it bothers me that he hasnt even tried calling me? i feel that 2 yrs of us dating was just disregarded and thrown away with yesterdays trash, he isnt even out of prison yet he gets out in may, and i gave him and ultamatum me or the drinking, he choose the drinking apparently , i gambled and i lost. what sucks is that we are broken up and i dont even know if it will be an issue down the road, maybe he can handle drinking? i really dont know, he is in rehab in prison, and i just felt that i would be enabling him if i stayed and allowed him to drink? i feel that i left him when maybe he needed me most? when i first hought of breasking up with him i felt it was the right thing to do, and now for some reason im not sure anymore, i know im not so sure i f i was the addict if i could do all this if i lost my support system? i know its ges better in time but today i feel sad over it, i have written him many letters since we broke up but i havent sent any of them, because i really dont know what is the right thing to do. it changes everyday...i put him through hell. breaking up everyother week becasue i didnt know what i should do, and now i feel i should just leave it alone because i have put him through enough, its hard enough being in prison without somone being wishy washy all the time.. dont be too hard, i just need to vent about whats going on in my head, this is the hardest relationship i have ever had, but what sucks is that if he really loved me wouldnt he have choosen us instead of the choice to drink??? im wondering now if that was even true? he kept telling me im the first one hehad ever been in love with? well it sure doesnt seem like it now. maybe that was a lie also? thats hard to accept if thats true..