The 4th and 5th steps helped to begin to identify my character defects (or rather, survival mechanisms no longer needed). On a conscious level I really am ready for these defects to be removed. It's the monster in the blue lagoon of my psyche that messes with the whole process. I often trip over "what is a defect". When I do that it probably means that I am just not ready to let go of that one. I wish that it was as easy as just being ready for HP to take away all defects - I can say and mean that. For me, it appears that that simply is not enough. I have to actually recognize and identify the defect....really understand the dang thing. Yucko. I read a passage from a 6th step guide that jumped out at me in regards to recognizing the defects.....
To reach our goal of happiness and to be bursting with goodness, we must recognize where mayhem, deceit, arrogance, self-indulgence, egotistical desires, resentment, and edginess will impair the execution of our ambitions.
I've found that asking myself the question of "what's still good about it?" helps me to eventually see the tentacles that the defect grows into so many areas of my life. I've found that putting on my victim dress is one of my favorite things to do...if I don't wear it I don't get as many "warm and fuzzies". That helps me to identify my part of this - what do I need to do to support myself? Are there healthier ways to get the payoff? Is the payoff worth it?
This growth stuff sure ain't for sissies.
I'm looking forward to everyone elses input on this step.
Donna