Step Study ~ Step 6
If you are just joining in, this is an online Step Study. Each of the 12 steps will have its own thread, so you can participate at whatever level you are comfortable. Steps 1 thru 5 have already been posted.
Most of the information here comes from the book Paths To Recovery, Al-Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts along with some readings from Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al Anon II.
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From Paths to Recovery p 65
The key principle of Step 6 is readiness. If we believe we are ready but find we are procrastinating, we need to consider each character defect more closely to see what is stopping us. In most cases we can find several factors that block us from being entirely ready. A longtime member of Al Anon suggests that, by closely reading, studying and understanding Step Six, some members begin to understand the spiritual basis of this Step. As discussed in Steps One, Two and Three, we learned that we couldn’t handle the disease of alcoholism, we acknowledged that the God of our understanding could and that we would let Him. Without true unconditional acceptance of Step Three, the action of Step Six is impossible.
We know we have character defects and have some idea of the pain and difficulties they have caused us; surely it would be a relief to get rid of them. Step Six does not get rid of these defects, it only asks us to become ready. Are we entirely ready? To continue, the answer must be yes. These two words “entirely ready’ are not conditional – they are clear and concise in their instructions; we must commit to the action of having God remove our defects of character.
Paths to Recovery pp 67-68
I find myself at Step Six. I’ve been here before and I’m sure I’ll be here again. This time, now that I’ve been working the Steps for eight years, Step Six is about the six “Ps” for me – perspective, pain, prayer, patience, process and payoff.
Perspective. My second sponsor described defects of character as “survival skills that no longer serve me.” This definition helps me stop being so hard on myself. It helps me understand that for most of my life these defects of character worked for my benefit. Since my Higher Power wants more than mere survival for me now, I can choose to let them go.
Pain. When clinging to my defect or survival skill becomes more painful than my fear of letting it go, I become entirely ready to have God remove that defect of character.
Prayer. Step Six says God removes all these defects of character, not me. My part is to pray for openness and willingness. God chooses which defects He will remover. I just do the footwork.
Patience. Since God is in charge, God gets to choose when and how fast He will remove my defects of character. A couple years ago, when I humbly asked Him to remove my arrogance, God proceeded to first show me how terribly arrogant I was and how it affected so many of my relationships in a negative way. I was able to accept that perhaps I humbly asked a little too soon.
Process. Becoming entirely ready involves a process for me – a grief process – where I walk through my denial, anger, bargaining and depression. As I complete the grief process, I become ready to have God remove a defect or former survival skill. It is helpful for me to pretend the defect is a friend by writing it a thank-you and good-bye letter.
Payoff. When I struggle with a defect, my current sponsor asks, “What’s the payoff?” In other words, since I’m having a hard time letting it go, “What’s still good about it?” Lately, I’ve been struggling with forgiveness. If I remain unforgiving, the payoff is that I can savor thoughts of revenge. I can feel sorry for myself for the hurt that was inflicted on me. I can justify my actions and remain distant. I don’t have to work toward a closer relationship with that person if I remain unforgiving.