Hi Frog !!
Its been such a long road getting to this point. You struggled with addiction and the havoc it wreaked on your marriage and family. You struggled with the decision to get a divorce and now that its looming so close your having pangs of doubt. I understand. I really do.
I thought the day my divorce became final would be a big moment of liberation for me but it wasn't. It was a really sad day. Probably the absolute lowest point out of the whole journey for me. Even though I knew it was the right thing to do it still hurt. It didn't matter that I spent years praying about it...contemplating it...it still hurt like crazy and I still had alot of doubts and overwhelming feelings of guilt.
Looking back (now that I've been legally divorced for over 2 years now), I see that the divorce was just one more step in the journey for me. I still keep in close contact with my ex. He is working on his recovery and I see alot of the person he was before addiction entered our life. We still do things together as a family with our son. Divorce didn't magically erase the ties that bind. The only thing it did do was protect me legally and financially from the fall out of his addiction. It gave me back some much needed control over my life. And now, when my ex is a part of my life and the life of our son its because he is healthy and its a matter of choice for me...I don't feel so defensive or involved in what he is doing or not doing in terms of his recovery because I am not legally or financially effected by any of it anymore. I think its made our relationship better in many ways.
Nothing magical is going to happen on divorce day. Its just a legal declaration that the marriage is over but all of the good things that you cherish about your ex...the love you still have for him...the happy memories you shared...will still be there. Divorce doesn't take any of that away. It just means that you are free from the insanity when/if you need to be. Who knows what the future holds for either one of you. Divorce doesn't foreclose any of the possiblities...it just frees you up to make the choices you need to make and allows you to make them for the right reasons.
Try not to look too far ahead. Who knows what the future will hold. Try to remember why you decided to do this in the first place. God's got a plan. I didn't see it back on divorce day but I sure as heck see it now.
Hugs to you...
:ghug2