catecicc,
Hugs to you, I know how much you're hurting right now.
When I read your post, I compared it to something I have done with both of my addict sons, and that was, that I slowed their process of getting to their bottom, by being their safe place to fall.
Hopefully you will make it to some meetings, no, alot of meetings, and gain strength from others there. Start putting the focus on YOU. Let your abf's H.P. take care of him.