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While I was still with my now ex, I went to quite a few Alanon meetings, and, some 'open' AA meetings (open meaning, anyone can attend, not just the alcoholic). It was at the open AA meetings, that I learned what recovery looked like, and, what it did NOT look like, and that it was 'not' my fault my S/O was drinking. I was 'not' the reason or the problem!
However, after saying that, there were 'other' issues that I brought to the relationship and had ownership of, but, his drinking was 'not' one of them.