Welcome to SR
You are in the right place. Many of us have found this forum when were in our most desperate, angry and confused state .... not knowing what to do or where to turn. We have felt alone ... trying to make sense of the irrational roller coaster, Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde alcoholic behaviors in our lives that consume our every waking thought and drains our energy and spirit.
One of the most important things this forum had to offer me was true, real life insight into the bizarre, chaotic interpersonal dynamics uniquely created by this addiction. You will learn you are not alone, that most of what you have experienced is tragically similar to others on this forum .... and come to understand how powerful and transforming addiction is as it steals away those we care so much about.
You will also learn that it is ultimately up to the alcoholic to change the course of their lives as this addiction as it is too powerfully all consuming for us to make much of a difference .... and finally that we have to step out of the way to save ourselves from its destructive course ... and hope someday the alcoholic in our lives will do the same.
Please keep reading the many helpful posts on this forum ... and hopefully you will be able to begin the sometimes painful journey towards a better, more peaceful and purposeful life.