llgirl,
I am sorry that you are going through this- at the same time I want to get up and yell Hooray!!! Good for you for feeling surprised and angry by what the counselor said to you!! How he said it AND how your boyfriend appears to be treating you.
You are not in my a opinion a true codie yet!!! You have some standards still!!
No to me this is silly- just plain disrespectful and rude!! No- even if he needs to work his program and break-up with you- to me it is only decent for him at least to write you a letter- if not a simple phone call. Closure- is healthy and normal!! If I recall he is your boyfriend of 3 years and you helped him to get into that treatment center and put him on that plane. Doesn't sound to me like this was a "little" relationship- I believe the word "love" was used here- by both of you.
Addict/alcoholics tend to call them "expectations"- I choose to call them "standards" I have standards (again) for how I like, want and need to be treated by people who tell me they love me AND expect me to feel loved and important to them!! One of which is- to tell me directly if their feelings and what they told me they wanted and needed changed!!
If you find it impossible to just move on- ohh so many of us do and you feel the need for communication on this from him.
I would write a note to him and ask him directly- what has changed since you put him on that plane. What does he expect from you and what can you expect from him. No, in my opinion this was not nice or respectful to you- you have patiently waited since October. He could have told you- or the counselors could have told you earlier.
You said you love him and may have planned to spend your live with him. I know that I commited (married) my husband long before I signed a legal paper.
Though you do have to accept it- it is okay and in my opinion even good (for you) that it isn't acceptable to you. I'm sorry you were treated this way- that hurts.
Take care.