Old 02-09-2008, 05:41 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
little_lionness
Member
 
little_lionness's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 23
Hi Cherbear,

Welcome to SR. I knew right away, opening your post that your fiance had a crack problem, the story was just too familiar for me. My husband drug of choice (DOC) was also crack/cocaine. It took me 5 years to learn to cope with the disapearrance and the lack of money and the insanity. After those 5 years, i was done dealing with it. He sense this time i was serious and he stopped using. My husband was also a fonctional addict. He would work except he would spend all the money he was doing on drugs.

He's been clean for 2 years 1/2 now, however, life with an ex-addict is not necessarily more easy. Sometimes I feel he is acting more childish then both my 1 1/2 years old and my 4 years old together...

I live with a man that has a lot of difficulty with living life on life's terms. I never would have guessed that from before.
I've been involved in one of the best case crack addict scenarios that I am aware of. Meaning, he has not (yet) relapsed in 2 1/2 years. That is a rarity and certainly no guarantee that it won't happen tomorrow - or even tonight. There are people that have 13 years of sobriety, that go to meetings, work a program and then one night - they go back out. Are you ready to live with that for the rest of your life? It never never never goes away. Then, there is the issue of living with a man who's emotional development was arrested due to his drug use. Drug addicts have to learn to be charming and beguiling in order to survive....which is why they initially seem so amazing and incredible. It's simply an illusion....created with smoke and mirrors. Yes...there are many wonderful qualities in each of us but addicts are adept at projecting an amazing image and making us believe that things that aren't true are true. This has been an incredibly difficult relationship even under the best of circumstances.

If I had it all to do again - if I had had a crystal ball - I would never have done it. I'm in it now and there is progress being made, so, for today, I remain. No matter how wonderful our relationship ever becomes it will never be enough to make what all I've gone through worthwile.
I could exactly say the same thing as light seeker. Even if my RAH was to go back and use tonight I know i would be just fine. Through the hell of addiction I've became tougher and less naive then I use to be. I probably didn't pick the easiest road but needed to do it my way (i'm quite stubborn actually ) I send you many hugs, will keep you in my prayers.

A.
little_lionness is offline