For what it's worth... some free advice. You didn't mention kids so I assume it's just you and your wife, correct? Then you mentioned you are very much overweight. Here is my advice. Take care of yourself, start an exercise and diet program, see a councellor, or maybe just someone who can help you see straight. Forget about your wife and her drinking for a while and let her come around to you . Once you start to feel better about yourself you will be able to deal more rationally with your wife. It sounds like you are scared to death of losing her but your actions and reactions in this relationship are working against your goal...Take care of yourself FIRST!
Good luck,
Sportster