Marle,
I agree with Laura....you are a devoted and excellent mom. Circumstance completely out of your control have created the situation with your daughter. You have so generously shared your experiences - and your love for her - with all of us here. It is only through lots of grief, pain, and anguish that you have been able to make the choices to step away. If only more parents in the world would be able to do what you are doing. It is the toughest situation to be in....but the stance that you have now is truly, the only way out.
The only way that any addict can find their way out is on their own accord. All that we do by easing their path is make it that much easier for the addiction to continue.
I don't think that you sound like a hard*ss at all - only a loving mom who has fought this battle in the dirty trenches. The only way to fight the battle is not to.
Thank you for sharing your esw! Donna