A wise woman told me: "You are the manager of your life. If you were paying someone else to manage your life the way it's being managed, would you want to keep them on in that position?" I decided I'd fire mine. I was tired of trying to be the manager of someone else's life. It was/is humanly impossible.
I know you have to do what you think you have to do but you are not "doomed" to this job in life. It's a choice.
I just know for me I started feeling better when I actually started comprehending the idea that there is great freedom in surrendering. Surrendering my AD to her HP was a win/win situation for both of us. Holding on to her was only draining the life out of me. I was keeping both her and myself as prisoners when I was trying to control her life. I was keeping her from learning to become the responsible person I had always wanted her to be while I was tying up my life trying to do the impossible.
Believe you me, I have to surrender her EVERY day. It's not a one time thing for me, but I'll sure take this way over the way I was living. And she'll tell you that she is so glad I got out of trying to manage her life.
Hugs,
Hangin' In