The paradox is that, though I took little responsibility for my own life, I saw myself as an expert on everyone else’s life and felt accountable for all that happened.
It took me awhile to understand that paradox, too. I felt accountable and responsible for everyone else's life. I took the credit when things went well for my spouse and my kids, and I accepted the blame when things went badly. I wore myself out mentally, physically and emotionally as I rushed from person to person, doing all of those things we do to make them comfortable and to keep them from feeling any pain. I look back on it now and realize how many times I protected my sons from some fairly large consequences ~~ and robbed them of the opportunity to learn some really important life lessons.
The good news is, I can forgive myself today. I was doing the best I could at the time. Today I know that I only have me to worry about, and as long as I turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understand Him, we'll have a good day.