Originally Posted by
SoberAndy 
It's hard, but you've got to practice tough love on her.
One thing I've learned about addiction, especially opiates is that they change their brain. It numbs them. They no longer feel guilt, shame, or heartache. When you or I do something wrong, we feel those things and they drive us to do better. They learn that if they feel guilt or shame, a dose of heroin will fix that.
If she's been doing drugs for four years, she still has the emotional maturity of a 15 year old since kids stop maturing when they start doing drugs.
For an addict, it's all about what they can get away with, and nothing more.
You gave reasons why you don't want to go to al anon. How about a private therapist? It's clear this is eating you up inside. Maybe a professional might be better. A few nights ago at the family meeting at my step-daughter's rehab, I watched as the therapist played the role of "the addiction" and a father spoke to the addiction. He was in tears before very long. It was very emotional and touching.
Honestly, I don't live in the same household with them. I have 2 children a husband and a very busy family life. Of course I love my sister and think about her all of the time. I think about it more because I am very close to my mom and this is really devastating her and affecting every minute of her life. For me, her behavior is not changing my lifestyle, I'm not living with her, enabling, etc. There's a pretty big age difference here. I"m 36, my sister is 19. I don't feel I personally have any issues. I try to get answers to support my mom and know how to handle things on the rare occasion my sister calls. Otherwise, I love her to pieces, but I have my own life to live and my children to spend time with. I wouldn't want to go to meetings and spend that time away from my family nor do I feel I have any issues that I need to deal with. My sister makes her own choices. She is living her life the way she chooses. It's very sad, but I know that no one has control over her actions but her. She's very smart, she knows where to go for help when she wants it.
On another note, I didn't know that drugs stop the brain from aging, that was an interesting point! Thanks.