PeaceTeach -
Thank you for your reflection on my post... I think sometimes I forget that I AM young... I've been made to feel so much older than I should have. Going out with my girlfriends again has reminded me of how much FUN I used to have - and I never used to feel guilty about that... You're right, I question a million times a day how I EVER let myself get into that situation. But I did. And now I'm done. Maybe I needed the experience to be able to appreciate how powerful just a simple "night with the girls" can be.
Selah - I hope you reach the point I did. I hope the same circumstances don't have to unfold for you to get there, but I hope you find the strength to make that call. To call family or friends who you know will support you. I felt so secluded from my old life while I was with my ex. I had distanced most of my girlfriends and family. But within an hour of calling my family and a few friends, I had 5 people at my house loading all of my belongings into boxes and bags and bringing back home. I realized that the whole time that I was sitting home, crying alone, I had so many people there at the drop of a hat. No, they don't all understand. And, yes, it is hard to hear them tell me that he's an a$$ and the other choice words they have developed for him... Because I do love him and want the best for him. And he was sweet and loving... But he also was an addict. He stole from me, he manipulated me, he used me.... And no matter how much I love him, I can't live that way.
I haven't been home long, but I was so surprised how quickly my old life came back to me. How much I still enjoy just going out to dinner with a few friends. And, for the couple of hours I'm out with friends I haven't been close to for so long, I feel like me again. Then I come home and have to deal with everything else. But I can't help but feeling that those periods of feeling like me again will keep getting longer and longer - until eventually maybe it will stick around....